Feeling Lost

The middle child is having a major surgery on May 24th.   We are now less than a week away. 

It's getting real.   We have been planning this for months....really months. For the most part, I am okay.   For the most part, I look okay.   But honestly it has been hard.

1. We are traveling out of state for the surgery.   Doctors in our area do not do this procedure.  
2. It is a serious surgery.   The hospital is a teaching hospital and has been in contact with us about research studies that they would like us to participate in.   You know it is bad when they start the study information stating that this surgery and Spinal fusion are the most painful surgeries they perform at the hospital. 
3. The recovery is difficult.  There will be 12 weeks were he will not be able to lift his elbows over shoulder height, twist or bend at the torso, use his arms to get out of bed or pull in any fashion, lift over 5 lbs.  He will need help - lots of help. 
4. Did I mention it was painful?  It is hard to watch your kids in pain. 
5. Did I mention it was out of state - 6 hours away.  The logistics of traveling for this are overwhelming at times. 

There are times I say to myself.  I am not doing well. Those are the exact words that go through my head. I am stressed.  I am not doing well. 

Now, it is not all the time.   Just at times.  

So yesterday, I was driving home from the store and Defender by Francesca Battistelli came on the radio.   I have heard this song many times.   But yesterday these lyrics jumped out at me:

When I thought I lost me

You knew where I left me

You reintroduced me to your love

You picked up all my pieces

Put me back together

You are the defender of my heart

I feel lost.  Lost in the worry and the stress and the unknown.  Lost in the preparation and the logistics. Just overwhelmed and lost....

But when I am lost...HE knows where I am.  He knows exactly where I am.