Feeling Lost

The middle child is having a major surgery on May 24th.   We are now less than a week away. 

It's getting real.   We have been planning this for months....really months. For the most part, I am okay.   For the most part, I look okay.   But honestly it has been hard.

1. We are traveling out of state for the surgery.   Doctors in our area do not do this procedure.  
2. It is a serious surgery.   The hospital is a teaching hospital and has been in contact with us about research studies that they would like us to participate in.   You know it is bad when they start the study information stating that this surgery and Spinal fusion are the most painful surgeries they perform at the hospital. 
3. The recovery is difficult.  There will be 12 weeks were he will not be able to lift his elbows over shoulder height, twist or bend at the torso, use his arms to get out of bed or pull in any fashion, lift over 5 lbs.  He will need help - lots of help. 
4. Did I mention it was painful?  It is hard to watch your kids in pain. 
5. Did I mention it was out of state - 6 hours away.  The logistics of traveling for this are overwhelming at times. 

There are times I say to myself.  I am not doing well. Those are the exact words that go through my head. I am stressed.  I am not doing well. 

Now, it is not all the time.   Just at times.  

So yesterday, I was driving home from the store and Defender by Francesca Battistelli came on the radio.   I have heard this song many times.   But yesterday these lyrics jumped out at me:

When I thought I lost me

You knew where I left me

You reintroduced me to your love

You picked up all my pieces

Put me back together

You are the defender of my heart

I feel lost.  Lost in the worry and the stress and the unknown.  Lost in the preparation and the logistics. Just overwhelmed and lost....

But when I am lost...HE knows where I am.  He knows exactly where I am.

On Running...or not!

Therefore, since we also have such a large cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us lay aside every weight and the sin that so easily ensnares us. Let us run with endurance the race that lies before us,  keeping our eyes on Jesus, the source and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that lay before Him endured a cross and despised the shame and has sat down at the right hand of God’s throne.  Hebrews 12:1-2

Quite a few summers ago,  I decided to do the couch to 5k program.  I thought it would be nice if Sweet Pea and I ran together. It seemed like it would be great bonding time for us.  And it was....when we were walking.   The running part is not easy. But by the 3rd week her little legs grew tired during the runs.  They weren't long time wise, but they were a lot for her.

During one particular run, we were jogging a long and the next thing I know Sweet Pea is sprawled on the ground. See, we live across the street from a church parking lot and that makes a easy if not monotonous track.  Right in the middle of that track is a median of sorts...an island if you will with a couple of trees and a sitting area.  It is surrounded by a 6 inch concrete curb.  Sweet Pea had tripped on the curb.  As I sat with her and her skinned knees and little tears running down her face.   I asked, "What happened?"    I just closed my eyes was her reply.  She just closed her eyes.  And, when she did she missed the danger that she knew was there.

See the preacher of Hebrews tells us we are running a race...and a long race.  While we are running there are things in our path that are put there to entangle and ensnare us.  Weights and Sin.  The weights are not necessarily bad things, but they are things that distract us and just slow us down.  The sin is well sin, and any sin will cause delay in the race.  These weights and sins tempt us, and next thing we know, we are flat on our face injured and crying.  Sometimes these traps are sneaky.  They blindside us.  Other times we know they are there and just look away for a moment.

So what happens when we do find ourselves flat on our face.....LOOK UP! Jesus will be right there where we left him waiting to help us along.  He will wipe our tears, bandage our wounds and restore our relationship...so we can run again.

So,  keep your eyes on Jesus.   He is the author and the perfecter of our faith.   He started the work in us and he will be faithful to complete it.   No matter what trips us up only the way!

Weathering Storms...

Thoughts on the Vine...and some storms that passed last summer - 

Living in the Midwest comes with it share of weather.  We can start a day with beautiful skies and temperatures near 80 degrees, and by evening, snow can be falling with freezing temperatures.  Although we do not live in Tornado Alley, the random twister is not a stranger to us.  

This year has been mild on the tornado front, but we have had our share of severe thunderstorms.  Recently, one such storm blew through our neighborhood.  The skies grew dark, the wind picked up, and soon lightning was streaking through the sky, and thunder was rattling the house.  The dog was barking. The cats were scurrying.  The lights were flickering.  It dumped a few inches of rain, spat out some hail, and moved east, like storms do. 

Overall, we were not hurt by the storm.  I had removed the logical things that tend to cause damage. The flag was put away, and the hanging pots were taken down to catch some of the rain. In the end there were a few more leaves on the ground and in the pool, but no trees on the house and no shingles blew off.  I thought nothing of it. 

Until a few days later....

We live across the street from a church with beautiful grounds.  We often use their parking lot as a walking track.   One of the trees in at this church did not make it through the storm as well as ours.  One bough was bent and broken and beginning to die.  The leaves hung limply on the branch and were withering.  

Then a month later this....

The branch was no longer dying.  It was dead.  Honestly, There is not much hope for this particular branch.  The only thing that remains is for it to be cut off.  

What happened?  This branch was severed from the trunk.  The life giving sap that runs from the ground to the trunk to the branch and then to the leaves and fruit just could not make the trip. The break was too great.  The storm was too hard, too severe.

My life is like this.  Storms come.  Storms always come. They come fast and without warning.   All of a sudden I am holding on to dear life, just trying to survive.  The wind of circumstances is blowing all around me.  The hail of worries is bombarding my mind.  The lighting of  hurts and failures is crashing.  And thundering doubt is clanging like cymbals with every thought.  

And sometimes....I break.

The pressures of the storm seem too much, and I pull away from my life giving root.  

I begin to wither.

My growth is stunted. 

Part of me shrivels, grows frail, and begins to die.

See, I am learning about John 15.  Verses 5-8 to be exact.

 “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit, because you can do nothing without Me.  If anyone does not remain in Me, he is thrown aside like a branch and he withers. They gather them, throw them into the fire, and they are burned. If you remain in Me and My words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this: that you produce much fruit and prove to be My disciples.

Jesus tells me he is the true vine.  He is the sap that gives me life.  I am a branch....just a branch.  Just like that branch on the tree across the street cannot grow on its own.  Neither can I. I have to stay in the vine. When storms come, when life gets hard, it is easy to pull away from the vine.   I tend to want to be alone. I neglect the Scriptures. I neglect prayer.   I withdraw within myself sometimes trying to ignore the storm.  Other times, just trying to get by.  Most times trying to fix things on my own. But that "fixing things" on my own...isn't a fix.   

When the storms come...that's when I need to dig deep into the Word...when I need to cry out to Christ in prayer.  He is the Vine.   He gives life.   The storm won't break what is drawing life from Him. 

A picture of Unforgiveness....and Letting it go...

I am not and never will be a gardener.  The joke here at my house is that plants quake in their roots when I am around.  I can understand why my family and the plants feel that way.  Honestly, I kill them.  

So when our azalea bush in the front yard started dying several years ago, I didn't worry much about it.  It was just the same old cycle repeating itself.  The first couple years we lived here, it bloomed magnificently in the spring like an azalea should.  But, like most plants I am in contact with, it changed. The leaves turned dark.  The foliage grew thin.  The gorgeous and abundant flowers from the first few years were replaced by only leaves.  

Interestingly, my plant was being suffocated by a sly Virginia Creeper. Over the years, this creeper had planted itself right in the middle of my azalea, and slowly inched its way over much of the healthy plant....suffocating it....stifling its beauty ....crushing its leaves....killing it. 

 In the end, my bush was pitiful, misshapen, and pathetic.  The very beauty that it was meant to share was gone. 

Unforgiveness is just like that Creeper.  It takes root in our hearts and grows.  It invades every part of us.  Soon our lives are out of step with the Lord's will.  The hurt we are holding onto does not go away. It just gets worse.   It poisons our perceptions.   It consumes us. It leaves us stunted in our growth and misshapen.  

Don't forget that creepers creep.  The intruder didn't stay just in my bush...it was crawling up the house and had trails along the ground looking for more things to invade. Unforgiveness, too, spills over to other people and relationships.  The longer we hold onto it, the more damage we do.  

So.....I pulled out the creeper.  I cut, and yanked, and removed as much of it as I could find. The creeper had grown up around azalea like a prison.  It had choked out its beauty for so long and, now, it was finally free to bloom and thrive as before.

Yes....this is my actual bush.

Just like the azalea could not get rid of the creeper on its own, we cannot forgive on our own. We must take our offenses, our hurts, our injustices to the only one that can heal them...Jesus Christ. His word tells us in Isaiah 61 that he has come bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.

Do you hear that?  He has come to heal the hurts....release the prisoner...comfort the mourning....to give a crown for our ashes...and joy for our sadness...and clothes of praise for our despair.  

He can give you the strength and the power to let go of the unforgiveness and get out of your prison and bloom just like you were meant to be.  

It's not easy.  It's hard... In some cases it may be the most difficult thing we do....but it is worth it. 

Oh and another thing...creepers come back.....

Taken the same day as the previous picture.

There will be times when that hurt returns, when something is said that brings all the feelings back.  That's when we must run back to Jesus.  Give it to him again and let him heal us ....again.  

Looks like I have some yard work to do.  That creeper will not leave on its own.  

*Our Bible study is working through Joseph:  A journey to forgiveness by Melissa Spoelstra.  These thoughts came after week 2.

Get off the deck!!!

Some writing from earlier this year.... We have had a family of robins build a residence in the Y of one of our gutters. Last week, three baby robins began their fledgling life into our big backyard. Now, our yard would be a perfect place for these little ones to learn about the world if were not for Allie, the demon cat, and Hank, the insanely jealous dog. So, as Hank was out to do his business later that day, Papa and Mama Robin were not happy. They were chirping out warnings, and dive bombing poor Hank. The diving commenced any time he stepped more than 2 feet of the deck. Hank would run after his ball. Papa and Mama Robin would swoop straight for him. Eventually, Hank did not even want to get off the deck. He would stand there, right on the edge, waiting and watching but too afraid to take the chance and move. The birds know Hank is powerful. They know that he can destroy them and their young. They are attacking because he has the potential to ruin them. Once Hank realizes he is bigger and stronger, those baby birds are in trouble.  Mom and Dad Robin are just trying to keep it from happening.


 The thing is -  This happens in my life too. I am like Hank waiting to step off the deck into the big thing God is asking me to do. But the moment I take a step in that direction, Satan starts fighting. He sends his bombs in the form of temptation and doubt and unbelief, and I run back to the safety of the deck. But I have the very Spirit of Christ living in me. I have been made more than a conqueror (Romans 8:23). Satan's blows are nothing more than hot air. It is posturing. He knows through Christ I can defeat him and fulfill my purpose.  The minute I step off the deck into what God has planned is the very moment I receive the strength I need to do God's will.


 A lot of things are going on over here. Not bad things by any means. But changes. The Lord is stirring some things up. I am not sure what is going on in your life. But I do know...over here...it is time to get off the deck.

Worry

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (bolding mine)

Everyone knows these are uncertain times. We have stress. If I really take the time to look at the world, well, I get stressed and depressed. Our nation, our government, the gas prices, the food prices. It all adds up to just stress.

Our Thursday night ladies Bible study has been doing a series on Daniel by Beth Moore. We have spent the last six weeks comparing our culture to Babylon. It has been eye-opening to say the least.

This week she talked about three ways we respond to trying situations.

1. Panic - Do the wrong thing.
2. We can be Paralyzed - We do nothing.
3. We can Pray - We do the power thing.

She talked about how Daniel, when faced with the difficult situation of the lions' den, he had already established a habit of prayer, and he just did what was natural to him. He prayed.

Then she mentioned the verse above with a special note on thanksgiving. When we give thanks in EVERYTHING, we take our eyes off of our situations and onto the Lord. We realize just what the Lord has done for us, and if He did it before, He will do it again and again.

Isn't God great?